Valerie Bertinelli Speaks Out: ‘Never Experienced’ Real Love After Two Marriages
valerie bertinelli, 65, is laying out a blunt assessment of her romantic life in a new interview, reflecting on two divorces and what she says she has not felt for any lasting stretch. She describes how those experiences reshaped her definition of love, and why emotional safety now sits at the center of what she wants next. The comments focus on her marriages, her more recent breakup, and the standards she says she would require before stepping back into dating.
Valerie Bertinelli says divorces changed her outlook on love
In the interview, Valerie Bertinelli spoke candidly about the toll her two divorces took on her self-image and her ability to trust what love means. “Two divorces behind me, I felt like a failure, ” she said, adding that she did not feel she understood “real true (love). ” She said her first marriage, to musician Eddie Van Halen, came closest to what she considers true love, but even then she described it as only “glimpses” rather than something she experienced “for any length of time. ”
She was most recently married to Tom Vitale from 2011 to 2022. Before that, she was married to Van Halen, and the two welcomed a son in 1991. Van Halen died in 2020 after a battle with cancer.
Emotional safety and trust now drive what comes next
A central theme in her remarks was a lack of trust and the feeling of not being safe in relationships. “I don’t feel safe and I don’t trust people a lot. So safety is a huge thing for me, ” she said, describing a pattern where she does not always choose partners who make her feel safe—or where that sense of safety can change over time.
She said she is currently content being on her own, framing it as a calmer, safer baseline. “I’m very happy being alone right now because I feel safer, ” she said, while also emphasizing she believes she can learn how to feel safe with a man.
She also drew a sharp line between anxiety and love, saying she does not want “butterflies” and describing them as feeling like anxiety. She said “Limerence is not love, ” and outlined what she wants instead: calm, safety, and emotional safety. She also said she wants a partner to feel emotionally safe with her, able to be vulnerable, and protected—something she said she has not experienced, adding that her vulnerability has not always been “respected and held on to. ”
Breakups, dating privacy, and a stricter line going forward
Two years after her divorce from Vitale, she went public with boyfriend Mike Goodnough. The relationship ended less than a year later.
She said that after her second divorce she felt tempted to swear off romance entirely, recalling, “After my second divorce, I was like, ‘I hate men, ’” while adding that she is now more open to the idea of a relationship at the right time.
Still, she set a clear boundary about how she would handle any future relationship. If she starts dating again, she said she would not speak about it publicly “for a long time, ” explaining she would need time to see whether it works out first.
Quick context
The interview captures a shift in focus from public milestones to private stability, with her comments centering on calm and emotional security rather than intensity. She framed the possibility of love as “magical” when it is right, while also saying she is working to be okay with the possibility it may not happen.
What’s next
Going forward, she described a mindset that prioritizes safety and peace over rushing into a new relationship, and she made clear she is not seeking the anxious rush she associates with “butterflies. ” For now, valerie bertinelli says she loves her life as it is, even as she leaves the door open—carefully—for the kind of calm, emotionally safe partnership she says she has been missing.
