Chizzy Akudolu said she has lost a lot of herself after the deaths of her parents, describing the grief as something that keeps taking pieces of her life with it. She made the remarks at the 2026 Best Heroes Awards in London on Tuesday night.
“I've lost a lot of myself,” she said, adding: “I lost a lot of myself when I lost my mum, and now I've lost more.” Raphael died on July 27 after two weeks in hospital, while Maria died in November 2020.
Raphael and Maria in her life
Akudolu said the loss cut so deep because “These are the two caregivers, people that have been the one constant in my life. They are my rocks; they are my role models.” She added: “My dad was the first man who loved me. My mum obviously is the same. And they were nurturers, and they made me who I am.”
That is the practical meaning of “lost a lot of myself”: she is not describing a passing sadness but the removal of the two people she says shaped her identity and daily emotional reference points. She also said: “And even just the little things of, 'I want to show you a picture.' I can't show them the picture because they're gone.”
August 3 and the reaction
On August 3, she shared Raphael’s death on Instagram and said she was inundated with beautiful messages of love and support. But she drew a clear line around what public sympathy can do, saying the comments can never take away the pain and can sometimes get a bit overwhelming.
She said she posted the news all in one go so people would not keep asking whether her dad was still in hospital. “It is a way of just letting enough people know at one go,” she said, and the choice shows how bereavement online can become a management problem as well as an emotional one. After five or so comments, she said, “you start to get a bit overwhelmed.”
Dreams after November 2020
Akudolu said her mother is in her dreams a lot, while her father has appeared once, very briefly. “My mum's in my dreams a lot. My dad is yet to appear. He has appeared once. It was very brief, but I need him to appear so we can talk, like I do with my mum,” she said.
That leaves the story in a stark place: she is still carrying both losses, but she is also trying to keep a private link to them alive in sleep and memory. “it freaking sucks,” she said of losing both parents, before adding that continuing to live and love, and knowing Raphael and Maria are with her in spirit, is making the grieving process a bit easier.
